twenty three

2/3 = .666 

 

Today:

Liz's
School till 1:00
Softball

Liz isnt getting married to that guy. I know its not my fault, but somehow i'd rather take responsibility because i feel guilt beyond belief. Not for the way we are, but about all of her friends and family that was rooting for their unhappy relationship, and are really hurt, and i really like them all.

She made me this bag filled with all different kinds of food for the bus trip tonight.. and i wore her CHEERLEADING hoodie. lol.. she makes me feel like theres still cute things left in my life. I like her more than i'll admitt.

When she dropped it off at school i skipped half my class outside with her and weeksie. 11-1 was the longest school day of my life... this senior thing hurts.

Softball was really amazing. I loved hanging out with everyone, and i got to spend a lot of time with keach just chillen. Books was crazy difficult for my dumb ass.. but im happy to say im catching on.  Then i got my friendly Xena phonecall which completely fucked me up.

Its great to wish you could be something. Its another thing to fucking locate your balls and actually do it.

its very interesting to me that someone can REALLY REALLY care, and yet allow her jealous boyfriend to keep her from hanging out with me. That kills, actually. Its a punch to the gut that doesnt quit. maybe i'll write a song about it.

 

your a punch to the gut that never quits
your that beat at the end that never sits
well in the stomach of the old man crying
he's heard your excuses
and baby he's still dying

your that linger in my mind, of everything gone wrong
your a pretty picture that i cant put down
and my very favorite song
your that sweet memory in that sweet old town
where we could sing, and spin round and round
but in the end all we did was drown in that fire we found
(slow down to whisper )
in each others eyes

 it was a normal day
when you caught up to me
and appologized for forgetting to care
i smiled to get you to see
no matter what you mean to me
life's coming full speed, and i'll challenge with a dare

it was a damn cold night
when i thought of that light
lost from your eyes and probably your heart
all this sorrow from anxiety
of losing a boy who isnt me
i knew what i was into from the start

your a punch to the gut that never quits
the beat at the end that never sits
well in my stomach... your more that i can stomach
and watching you leave will end a chapter in me
of plain old hard love, and deathly misery
i wish you the best and the worst

( i died in the fire i found in your eyes)
(more than i can stomach, more than i can stomach)




... thats enough for today i think

 

One amazing day

The day didnt start off amazing, as most involving 7:00 Am car appointments tend not to, but nothing huge was wrong with my car, and the nice man didnt charge me for his 13 minutes =) I then came home to attempt more sleep, while being thoroughly disturbed by texts and calls all morning, untill i realized i needed to get up to pick up someone special from her softball practice.

I was greeted outside my room by my mother's glowing smile, which isnt a crazy rare occurance, but even I could tell something was going on. She explained a story of her idol, Joyce Meyer, about her announcing her fault in trying to force a certain type of religion upon her daughter, and that she felt the right thing to do would be appologizing to God and to her daughter. That was an incredible relief to hear, because its the same situation we have found ourselves in.. especially around this gay issue.. and it was nice to think that she understands that its not all about what she wants. So much weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Then i left and began the most amazing day of vacation ever. Sabrina and I hit up Javas to get our Celcius and food. We decided not to go to the gym and just went exploring around stores and downtown farmington, actually breathing, enjoying life, and obviously spending all my money. lol. We drifted into the library and onto a familiar playground. We then decided it would be a great idea to take our brothers bowling =) It was crazy great.. and definitely best friends again.

After Doug and I left bowling I changed my clothes and went to meet Amanda at Ricks. We came back to the house for awhile because noone was around, then headed to giffords with willis and leeah to meet Katie. Freedom writers at leeahs, and then Amanda had to leave =( never fun. We went over to Irvings ( me, katie, willis, and liz) and that was generally not very stressful.

If i never thought i'd miss a day of high school in the town of farmington maine I was wrong. Today was spectacular.